Ravichandran Ashwin said that he felt like he was being “thrown under the bus” when then India head coach Ravi Shastri said that Kuldeep Yadav said that Kuldeep Yadav was India’s lead overseas spinner after the latter took five wickets in the 2019 Sydney Test against Australia. Ashwin said that recurring injuries meant that he was playing under “excruciating pain” when he took three wickets in each innings to lead India to victory in the first Test.

“The first Test seemed like a distant memory by then,” Ashwin told ESPNCricinfo, talking about his mental state by the time of the final Test of the series. “I had taken three of the first four wickets in the first innings after we were bowled out cheaply, and then when it got really flat in the final innings, I plugged away for 50-plus overs and took three wickets despite what turned out to be a grade three abdomen tear. In my mind, I had done something great for the team in excruciating pain, but all I heard was, ‘Nathan Lyon took six, Ashwin took three.'”

The fourth Test in Sydney was washed out after India dominated the first two days, thus confirming a 2-1 series win for the visitors. It was the first time India, or any Asian team, had beaten Australia in a Test series in their own home. India would go on to repeat the feat two years later.

Ashwin said he was genuinely happy for Kuldeep as he knew how difficult it is to take five wickets as a spinner in Australia and he holds Shastri in high esteem.

“I hold Ravi bhai in high esteem. We all do. And I understand we all can say things and then retract them. In that moment, though, I felt crushed. Absolutely crushed. We all talk about how important it is to enjoy your team-mates’ success. And I was happy for Kuldeep. I have not been able to get a five-for but he has a five-for in Australia. I know how big it is. Even when I have bowled well (at other times), I haven’t ended up with a five-for. So I am genuinely happy for him. And it’s an extremely happy occasion, to win in Australia,” said Ashwin.

“But if I have to come and partake in his happiness, and the success of the team, I must feel like I belong there. If I feel like I am being thrown under the bus, how am I supposed to get up and come for a party to enjoy the team’s or team-mate’s success? I went back to my room and then I spoke to my wife. And my children were there. So we were able to, you know, shrug it off, and I still made it to the party, because, end of the day, we had won a massive series,” he said.

Ashwin said that he was going through a tough phase in his life and needed help instead of being made to feel like he was being replaced. “Motivation is for those who need it. But when someone is going through a tough phase in life and needs an arm around his shoulder that was a tough phase in my life,” he said.